Since starting work, a lot of the days at work, the general feeling is shared with what is said in Ecclesiastes (although not so beautifully put):

Ecclesiastes 1:2-11

2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”

3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.

For me, the thought that keeps coming to my head is “What is the point for all this?”

And although the practical, religious mind will straight away have an answer (EG: God opened this door, so there’s a purpose in me being in this job or God asked us that whatever we do, we do it unto the Lord, so that’s what I gotta do etc etc), the heart does not necessarily leap for joy at the answers given. Which in turn, affects all-round performance at work, in my home, in church and in my own personal life.

For me, the greatest search this past year that I’ve been back in Malaysia AND embarking on the career path was the search to find God, as my personal God.

• To come back to my first love.
• To understand and hear God’s heartbeat once more – not just with the mind, but in my heart and in my spirit.

I am an idealist at heart. When I was in college, my hopes and dreams of life were very much idealistic and painted with beautiful bed of roses without the thorns. I describe it the period where I had very much a simple childlike but blind faith in God. Then, as the years passed by, the picture was interrupted by the thorns and weeds, tough experiences that threatens to mar the dream with doubt, cynicism and realism. My faith in God now is definitely not blind, but to keep the childlike faith is a very uphill task!

Life is so full of distractions and disappointments. Yet, my search is that even through the fact that there will be distractions and disappointments, how can I keep my passion for God real?

Recently, I started reading Jeremiah. Jeremiah as a prophet of God has inspired me a great deal in my growing up college years.

Even now, as I flip my old bible (my first ever study bible given as a birthday present by my eldest sis), I can still read through all the markings that I’ve made in this book and remember the promises that God has given to ME whilst I read it in college.

The reminder that what God has promised, He will definitely do.

Jeremiah 1:9-12

9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.”

11 The word of the LORD came to me: “What do you see, Jeremiah?”
“I see the branch of an almond tree,” I replied.

12 The LORD said to me, “You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled.”

When God calls, it is always accompanied with a personal revelation and a personal promise. But how we respond, how we live and what we do after that is our responsibility!

Jeremiah, after receiving the call in chapter 1, became God’s mouthpiece to the nation.

But what I admire about him, is how even as God speaks to him to speak to the nation, Jeremiah personally responds to God’s words, and genuinely prays and intercedes for the nation. The personal response shows that Jeremiah has a beautiful, transparent and genuine relationship with God, one where the burden of God’s heart translates into tears in Jeremiah’s life.

Lord, I know that the world around me will always be filled with disappointments and disillusionments. But even in the disappointments, I pray that my heart will not grow harden, callous or weary, saying that “this is just the way it is”. I will see what You have promised and know that one day it will be so. And till it becomes so, I will continue to do what You are calling me to do, whilst yearning for when it will come to pass.

So then, life is not so meaningless after all… =)